Well, the results of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest are in - and worth reading. (A literary parody contest in which "entrants are challenged to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels.") I particularly enjoyed this excerpt of Robert Salsbury's submission:

Mac was the crustiest ex-LAPD homicide detective with three ex-wives, two mortgages, a greedy daughter wasting time at college, a gay son playing acid-blues punk in some Sacramento dive, and a liver that had been bitch slapped by cheap vodka so many times it looked like a bag of yellow fat, who ever walked into my floral and gift shop.
- posted by Anonymous @ 6:00 PM