The Bad Sex passages award: Rated R

I don't know where the Guardian found these. Apparently, they are from real publishers, but, boy oh boy are they bad. I mean really, truly, truly terrible. A short set of highlights:

she came with the exhilarating whoops and pant-hoots of a troop of Rhesus monkeys, which was flattering, if alarming.

he reached up between her legs and plunged two fingers into her vulva, and began to probe her vaginal canal, as if he was searching for lost car keys.

She sandwiches your nozzle between her tits, massaging it with a slow rhythm. A trailer to bookmark the events ahead.

- posted by Tom Sawyer @ 11:32 AM